Infertility can be a difficult and emotional journey for individuals and couples. Having the support of a partner, family member, or friend can make a significant difference in coping with the challenges that come with infertility. In this blog post, we will explore some ways that partners and support people can help those struggling with infertility.
Show empathy and be a good listener
One of the most important things that a partner or support person can do is to show empathy and be a good listener. Infertility can be a lonely and isolating experience, and it can be helpful for individuals to have someone to talk to and share their feelings with. Partners and support people can offer a listening ear and provide emotional support during this challenging time.
Learn about infertility and the treatments available
Partners and support people can also be an advocate for those struggling with infertility by learning about the condition and the treatments available. By doing so, they can better understand what their loved one is going through and offer informed support. It can also be helpful for partners and support people to attend doctor's appointments and ask questions about the treatment process.
Offer practical support
In addition to emotional support, partners and support people can offer practical support as well. This can include helping with appointments, driving to and from procedures, and providing help with household chores. These small acts of kindness can make a big difference in alleviating some of the stress and pressure that come with infertility.
Take care of yourself
It's important for partners and support people to take care of themselves as well. Infertility can be emotionally taxing, and it's essential to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed. By taking care of their own emotional and physical well-being, partners and support people can better support their loved ones through their infertility journey.
Seek professional help if needed
Infertility can be a challenging experience, and it's important to seek professional help if needed. Partners and support people can encourage their loved ones to seek a Fertility Practitioner/Doula (like myself), counselling or therapy to help them cope with the emotional toll of infertility. It can also be helpful for partners and support people to seek their own professional support to help them navigate their own emotions and feelings.
While trying to conceive or struggling with infertility, couples can engage in various activities to strengthen their bond and support each other emotionally. Here are some activities they can consider:
Open Communication: Regularly communicate with each other about feelings, fears, and hopes related to the fertility journey. Create a safe space to express emotions openly and support each other without judgment.
Shared Hobbies: Engage in activities or hobbies that both partners enjoy. Whether it's cooking together, hiking, painting, or watching movies, shared interests can strengthen the emotional connection.
Relaxation Techniques: Practice relaxation techniques together, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. These activities can help reduce stress and create a sense of calmness.
Support Groups: Join support groups for couples facing similar challenges. Connecting with others who understand their struggles can provide a sense of community and comfort.
Date Nights: Continue to prioritize date nights or special times together. Carve out moments to focus on the relationship outside of fertility concerns.
Counselling or Therapy: Consider couples counselling or therapy to address emotional challenges and strengthen the relationship during this difficult time.
Nature Walks: Spend time in nature, such as taking walks in the park or going for hikes. Nature can be therapeutic and rejuvenating.
Gratitude Journaling: Start a gratitude journal together, where both partners write down things they are thankful for each day. This practice can foster a positive mindset and gratitude for each other's support.
Acts of Kindness: Show love and support through small acts of kindness, such as preparing a surprise meal, leaving thoughtful notes, or simply offering a listening ear.
Plan for Future Activities: Discuss and plan future activities or trips together. This can offer hope and excitement for the future, beyond the challenges of the present.
Remember that you and your partner are unique, and it's essential to find activities that resonate with both of you to bring you closer together during your fertility journey. Being there for each other and finding ways to connect emotionally can help strengthen their bond during this challenging time.
The 7 Love Languages: Nurturing Your Connection on the Fertility Journey
Understanding and speaking each other's love languages can be a powerful way to nurture your connection while navigating the challenges of trying to conceive or facing infertility. Dr. Gary Chapman's concept of the 5 Love Languages identifies different ways individuals express and experience love. Whereas there may be 7 love languages, all of which I will discuss below. Discovering your partner's love language and incorporating it into your relationship can provide meaningful support and strengthen your bond during this journey.
First, let's start out with the 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman:
Words of Affirmation: For those whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, kind and encouraging words can be deeply meaningful. During this challenging time, express your love and admiration for each other regularly. Compliment each other's strength and resilience as you navigate the ups and downs of the fertility journey. Leave heartfelt notes or text messages to remind each other that you are in this together.
Quality Time: Spending quality time together is vital for couples whose love language is Quality Time. Make an effort to set aside dedicated moments to be present with one another. Enjoy activities you both love, such as going for a walk, cooking a meal together, or simply having heartfelt conversations. Show that you value the time spent together, even in the midst of appointments and medical discussions.
Acts of Service: For individuals who value Acts of Service, actions speak louder than words. Offer support by taking on responsibilities or tasks to ease each other's burdens. Preparing a comforting meal, handling household chores, or accompanying each other to medical appointments are tangible ways to show your love and care.
Physical Touch: Physical touch is a powerful love language that can provide comfort during difficult times. Offer each other hugs, cuddles, and gentle touches to convey your emotional support. Holding hands or offering a comforting embrace can be reassuring during moments of vulnerability.
Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful gestures and meaningful gifts can be especially significant for those whose love language is Receiving Gifts. Offer tokens of love that symbolize your commitment to the journey together. It could be a heartfelt letter, a meaningful piece of jewelry, or a special keepsake to cherish throughout the process.
Now, let's look at the new 7 love languages according to Truity, that incorporates love languages for all couples, not just heterosexual couples, which is what Dr. Gary Chapman's book is based on. From WikiHow, here are the new 7 love languages:
Activity: If your love language is activity-based, you feel most loved and valued when you spend time doing activities with your partner. You may also feel seen and loved when your partner pays particular attention to and takes an interest in your hobbies and passions. Quality time is one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s original 5 love languages, and while activity is similar, this love language is more nuanced in that it highlights one partner’s interest in and appreciation of the other partner as an individual: their passions and pastimes, their friendships and social circles, and their life outside the relationship generally.
Appreciation: If your love language is appreciation, you may feel most loved when your partner acknowledges and compliments you. Appreciation might come in the form of gratitude for the work the receiver puts into the relationship or their life with their partner (such as cooking or childcare), or it may come in the form of compliments to acknowledge the receiver’s personal victories. This love language isn’t about flattery—it’s about sincere appreciation that makes the receiver feel truly seen and valued. If your love language is appreciation, it's likely you don't just want to be complimented but to hear exactly what your partner appreciates about you, in specific terms.
Emotional: If you desire to have an intimate emotional connection with your partner above all else, your love language might be emotional. You're the sort of person who will stay up until all hours talking about deep, personal subjects with your partner and who sincerely values your partner’s emotional support during tough times. For this love language, it's important that your partner not just be there when you're experiencing difficult emotions or tolerate you engaging them in an intimate conversation, but that they're truly present, actively involved, and giving as much as you are to the exchange.
Financial: If your love language is financial, you feel valued and special when your partner spends money on you. This expression of love is less about the things that are purchased and more about the fact that your lover is using their financial resources on you in the first place. This love language is similar to gift giving, from the original 5 love languages, but while gift giving is an opportunity for one partner to show how well they know the other and express love with a thoughtful gift, the financial love language is about the act of investing one’s monetary resources in their relationship.
Intellectual: This love language involves a “meeting of the minds.” You value the ability to connect with your partner on a rational level. You may engage your partner in intense intellectual debates about philosophy, politics, or anything under the sun, but you always respect one another’s opinions. If your love language is intellectual, you may also identify as sapiosexual—i.e., you're romantically or sexually attracted to people based on their intelligence.
Physical: If you feel most seen, loved, and appreciated when you're in physical contact with your partner, your love language might be physical. This physical contact may include sex, but it’s not just about that: it also involves hand-holding, forehead kisses, and just being in physical proximity to your partner. Though there's more to this love style than sex, part of it is about feeling desired by your partner. So while you might initiate physical contact (sexual or not) with your partner if your love language is physical, it's likely important to you that your partner initiates from time to time as well.
Practical: If your love language is practical, you feel most loved when your partner helps you in practical ways: doing chores, offering favours, and just generally making your daily load a little lighter. People with this love language are usually no-nonsense and down-to-earth. In order for this expression of love to be most effective, your partner usually must help out in practical ways without being asked. This love language is similar to acts of service, from the original 5 love languages. However, Chapman's work reflects a more conservative, heteronormative approach to relationships—for instance, by emphasizing husbands "helping out" their wives with housework.
Remember, understanding and embracing each other's love languages can deepen your emotional connection and provide essential support on this journey. By speaking each other's love languages, you can show unwavering love and commitment, even in the face of challenges. Examples:
Words of Affirmation: "You are incredibly strong and resilient, and I admire your determination on this journey. We will get through this together."
Quality Time: "Let's take a break from everything and have a cozy movie night together. I love spending time with you."
Acts of Service: "I know you've had a tough day; I'll handle dinner tonight so you can relax."
Physical Touch: "I just need a hug right now, and your presence brings me comfort."
Receiving Gifts: "I got you this necklace to remind you that we are in this together, and our love will guide us."
By incorporating these love languages into your relationship, you can create a nurturing and supportive space as you face the challenges and triumphs of this fertility journey as a united team.
How can couples find out what their specific love languages are?
Couples can discover their specific love languages by engaging in open and honest communication with each other and observing their emotional responses to different expressions of love. Here are some practical steps to help identify each partner's love language:
Take the Love Languages Quiz Together: Dr. Gary Chapman's official website (www.5lovelanguages.com) offers a free online quiz that can help individuals identify their primary love language. Truity's 7 love style test can be found on their website (www.truity.com/test/love-styles-test) Take the quizzes separately and then discuss the results together.
Observe Reactions to Expressions of Love: Pay attention to how each partner responds to different expressions of love. Notice when your partner seems most touched or appreciative, and when they seem to light up with happiness. These moments can provide valuable insights into their love language.
Ask Directly: Have open and non-judgmental conversations about love and what makes each partner feel loved and appreciated. Ask questions like, "What actions or gestures make you feel most loved?" or "What could I do to make you feel more cherished and supported?"
Reflect on Past Experiences: Think back to moments in your relationship when you both felt deeply loved and connected. What were the specific actions or gestures that contributed to those feelings? Reflecting on past experiences can offer clues about each other's love languages.
Experiment with Different Expressions of Love: Try incorporating each love language into your relationship and observe how each partner responds. For example, one week, focus on acts of service; the next week, emphasize quality time. See how each partner reacts and communicates their feelings.
Discuss Love Language Preferences: Share with each other what you've discovered about your love languages and openly discuss how you can meet each other's emotional needs. Be willing to adapt and grow together in nurturing your love languages.
Remember that love languages are not fixed, and they can evolve over time. It's essential to stay attuned to each other's emotional needs and continue communicating openly to maintain a strong and loving connection. By understanding and embracing each other's love languages, couples can create a deeper emotional bond and navigate challenges with empathy and support. To sum up, infertility can be a challenging and emotional journey, but having the support of a partner or support person can make a significant difference. By showing empathy, learning about the condition and treatments available, offering practical support, taking care of themselves, and seeking professional help when needed, partners and support people can help their loved ones through their infertility struggles.
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